Dark nights, rain and insufferable wind.
Really does make you want to winter in the Caribbean.
Sadly on my meagre allowance I’m forced to endure these frightful conditions.
I have only one comfort.
Put some turf on the fire.
Two fingers of black bush.
Stick on Charlie Harding.
Sit back and get reacquainted with the first love of my life.
Yes, my first love.
The one I turn to when I need cheering up.
No matter how bad it is, a good wank will make me feel better.
Use my best lube, close my eyes and think of Brad Pitt.
Tied to a fuck bench, presenting his money maker.
That’s the stuff.
Masturbation really is one of the great pleasures in life.
Think of how frustrated some people would be if they could not knock one out.
So the next time someone calls you a wanker, thanks them.
So here is to my mickey.
I love you!
Where do you like you’re private time?
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