Auntie Pat


We all need someone we can rely on.

A shoulder to cry on.

Crutch in your time in need.

That’s where auntie Pat comes in.

People feel like they can tell me anything.

It’s because I give good head.

Really I need my own talk show.

But until I get my big break I’ll share all the goss with you.


Only yesterday my friend Joe was telling me how his wife does not understand him.

She watches him like a hawk.

He can’t do anything.

Of course the reason is that he has a habit of going out and seeking out toilet trade.

He’s always asking for advice.

I’ve found that any advice I give can be quite condescending.

So I just give him this look of concern.

You know, the one Oprah gives.


Then there is my friend Audrey.

She is rather sick and demented.

We get on so well.

She’d like to watch her husband get bummed.

By me.

But rather unfortunately he’s straight.

I know! I’m as shocked as you are.

My advice? I couldn’t help myself.

I just had to interject when I heard something so sad.

Leave him, he’s weird.

But she’s addicted to his BBC.

So she’ll just have to use Rohypnol on him or something….


As for my friend Gael.

She really is the most depraved.

She has started dressing her husband up like a school girl, and getting men to fuck him.

He keeps complaining.

“Am I wrong Pat”?

Well…… a school girl? With those hairy legs?

Fashion faux pas!

Where will it all end?

I suspect the poor man will end up with a hoop the size of Ring of Kerry.

I bit my tongue and looked concern.

Her eyes welled up and lips trembled.

I know Gael, it’s just not fair.

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