The Curse of Being Straight



You poor things!

God love ye.

With your and mismatched clothes and dodgy haircuts.

You bring tears to my eyes.


People often say that gays are kinky.

They’re right, but at least we are not masochists.

What other reason could there be for being straight?

Maybe it’s a fashion thing?

Did some queen say it was cool to be straight, for the craic?

Talk about a sense of humour bi pass!


So I’ve decided to do my godly duty and save men from being straight.

The women can save themselves.

Don’t all thank me at once.

I’m going to start with the married men first.

The poor feckers.

Even though they were stupid enough to get themselves into this mess.


Once I have fucked, I mean saved, all the married men, I’ll start on the stupid men.

Stupid men?

I need to narrow this down…..

After the married men, the engaged men and so on.

This will be my life’s work.

I wonder if they will erect a statue in my honour.


You want to know why it is terrible being a straight man?

You poor ignorant creatures.

Have you seen straight men?

They need to be saved from themselves!

They need an injection of homo-fabulousness.

Right up their asses!


I mean look at straight guys….

War, death, starvation, Republicans.

My god it’s a wonder they haven’t killed us all already.

The world will be a much safer place with them on their knees……repenting.

3 thoughts on “The Curse of Being Straight

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